In a Dark Alley
by evy29
Summary: Well, they say you gos as you live, Jess thought ironically. It must be truth then. He was dying as if nothing was happening... and that's exactly how he had lived his life." Jess centric.


Okay... I don't know what to say so please tell me what you think about it. This wasn't originally written as a fanfic... but what the hell

Oh and I'm not a native english speaker... so please be nice.

And just in case: I don't own Gilmore Girls.

**In a Dark Alley**

There was no cold, no hurt, no regrets, no light, no tunnel, no flying-like feeling… There was nothing. There wasn't that see-your-whole-life-passing-in-front-of-your-eyes moment. There was just it, there, happening.

There wasn't even that much pain anymore.

Well, they say you go as you live, Jess thought ironically. It must be truth then. He was dying as if nothing was happening… and that's exactly how he had lived his life.

Twenty years old, a short life in deed, a hollow life. No wife, no kids, no girlfriend, no studies, few friends, an uncle he rarely talked to anymore, a mother who was more lost than him, no place to feel like home, no palpable future.

Jess sighed, tired of these thoughts. It couldn't really be like this, right? There had to be something else. Something important, a realization, some kind of epiphany… Death couldn't possibly be so petty, he argued while looking at his surroundings.

The pitch dark alley looked scary. The walls covered by graffiti seemed like some kind of warning yelling "Stay out of here" and the whole place had a daunting feeling to it. What a place to kick the bucket. Jess shook his head in disgust.

He knew there was no way someone would get in there to help him. It was really late and an alley obviously wasn't the most safe place to go in at any time. He still had called for help at the beginning, though. He stopped when he realized there was no one out there and that he was going to die in that alley all by himself. He did panic at the realization… he did damn his luck… he even cried, though he would never admit it. But at the end he settled for it and decided to wait for death and that longed epiphany that would make it worth it.

It had to come any second now.

"Please, I'm asking you. I know it was stupid of me."

She did sound desperate. If it weren't for his situation he would have felt sorry for her, he would have even tried to help her.

"Well, I didn't plan to fall asleep on the bus!"

He could hear her exasperation now… her boyfriend was a jerk.

"It's finals Logan. I had to study."

Jess heard her sigh.

"You know what… thanks a lot. Don't worry I'll get a cab."

There was a short silence.

"What a jerk," Jess muttered in an almost inaudible voice.

"What?" But the girl had heard him. "Who is there?" She asked after a second and then peeked down the alley.

"I am," he answered simply.

"Who are you?" the girl inquired, coming closer to the alley entrance.

"Nobody," Jess stated… deciding this girl couldn't help him. It was too late. He was beyond help and death was just around the corner. But the girl had gotten closer and was now able to see him.

"Oh my God!" he heard her saying. "What happened to you?"

Jess sighed. What had happened to him? How did he end up bleeding his life out in a dark alley? What happened?

"You need help," she said, sounding on the brink of a breakdown, and then he heard her talking on her cell phone.

"No, I _needed_ help," he told himself.

"And hurry, this guy is in really bad shape," she said into the phone and then hung up. There was a short, awkward silence between the two of them after that.

"Everything is going to be fin now," she tried to say in a soothing voice but it came out a little fraught instead.

Jess sighed not knowing if she was talking to him or herself. "Thank you," he said.

Jess couldn't see it, but she gave him a little, strained smile.

"I'm Amy."

"Jess."

"How long have you been here?" the girl asked, frowning.

"Don't know…" he answered in a grunt and then as an afterthought, "They took my watch too."

"They? You got mugged?"

"Yeah… they got mad when they only found five bucks in my pocket. " He smirked at the futility of all of it.

"Gosh… they did this to you for that?" she asked, feeling outraged.

"I thought they were just bullies."

"What?" She sounded confused.

"I didn't give them anything…" Jess groaned a little. Talking was starting to hurt. "When they asked nicely," He finished.

Amy felt sad for him. "So they…"

"Yep," he said, already knowing what the question was.

"How many where there?"

"Just two average-sized guys."

A heavy silence came upon them. Amy fidgeted from her spot. It all felt wrong. She knew help was coming but there still lay the possibility they wouldn't get there in time. It wasn't right. She didn't know this guy, but she would probably be the one standing at his side if he died.

"I'm sorry," she said in a small voice.

"For what?"

Amy shrugged, "I'm just sorry."

"You're helping," Jess said, "or at least trying to… you shouldn't feel sorry."

And then they were quiet again. Jess didn't know how long it had been when the muffled sound of a siren reached them.

"I'll go out to the street so they can see me," Amy said, sounding relieved. "You're going to be okay." And then she left.

I'm going to be okay, Jess thought, not quiet believing it. He had to hold on for a little longer and then they would help him. Things were going to be fine. He'll recover from this and then he'll make things different. He would go to talk with his family. He would say he's sorry for all the things he's never done and then he will do every single one of them. He will do something with his life just because he had one.

Jess smiled and suddenly realized it didn't hurt anymore. He stared forlornly at the wound on his chest and remembered how much it had hurt at firs. The knife breaking into his flesh, cutting, ripping, taking life away- And then the blood, so much blood he could hardly believe it was all his.

But now, pain was gone and the only thing Jess could feel was an eerie numbness filling his body. Time was running extremely slow and Jess soon got tired of waiting.

He moved and winced in anticipation. It didn't hurt how he thought it would. Where did pain go? He wondered. And then he got up slowly to limp towards the street. He walked as fast as he could at first, but then something started to bother him and made him slow his pace until he stopped completely. It was a nagging voice in the back of his head. "Look back," it was saying. "Look back." So Jess did.

"Uh," he blinked in shock. "So that's why it didn't hurt anymore," he told himself as he watched his body still lying on the ground.

And then he thought, half-disappointed, and half-terrified, that maybe this was the revelation he had been waiting for.


End file.
